When The Guy You're Dating Is Just Using You

Signs he's using you, what to do when he's using you, how to know a guy is using you, how to tell if he's using you

When it comes to dating, it can be easy to forget about yourself and become obsessed with the chase and trying to get the guy of your dreams.  In pursuing a serious relationship, it is important that you continue to respect yourself and set boundaries, no matter how great of a catch he seems to be.  Learning to respect yourself will not only get his attention but will greatly increase your feelings of self-worth in the wonderful person that you are as an individual.


1. Set standards for yourself

When it comes to dating, it is essential to set standards. If a guy shows up 30 minutes late without a reasonable excuse for doing so, it is okay to cancel. Your time is valuable. You are not a last minute booty call, but someone who deserves to be treated as a high priority. Decide what your standards are and don’t let anyone sway you otherwise.

2. You can say 'no' even in a relationship

The world of dating can be fast-paced and exhausting. Some nights you may just not feel up to another dinner date or outing and that’s okay. You don’t have to push yourself harder than you have strength. Don’t allow him to make you feel bad if you are not wanting to go out. If he really cares, he will be understanding of your schedule and needs, if not, he’s just not worth keeping around.

3. Keep doing the things you love

In relationships, people frequently begin to do everything they think their significant other wants and forget about the things they like. In this situation, it's very easy to become used to only doing what the person you're dating enjoys doing and not continue to do the things that you love. If you start noticing that you haven’t done the things that you love doing while in a relationship, take a step back. Notice if your significant other is pulling you away from your passions and dreams, or if you just need to communicate your desire to continue growing and developing. Ultimately, a healthy relationship will help you achieve your greatest potential in all areas of your life and not drag you down.

4. Don’t change yourself for him

Now, I’m not saying that it isn’t a good thing to look for a guy that inspires you to be your best, but he should do that simply by who he is as a good person. Never start submitting to his suggestions for you to change your physical appearance, your family and friend relationships, and religious or spiritual convictions, etc. If you notice that the person you are dating is pressuring you to change who you are for their own personal satisfaction, run fast. Be your beautiful self.

5. Arrange dates in safe public places

Avoid being used in relationships by staying in safe places, especially when you are just getting to know a person.  Make sure that you have clear plans for your activities so that if things start changing you’ll be on your guard.  Too often people put themselves in vulnerable situations too quickly in dating and can end up getting used and hurt. Know where you are going and have a plan for an easy escape route or friend to call in an emergency.


6. Don’t let him hurt you, physically or emotionally

You don't need to spend one minute with a guy who hurts you verbally, mentally, emotionally, or physically. If you notice that you feel torn down, drained, or used in negative ways in a relationship, respect yourself enough to walk away. Sometimes it can seem appealing to just go with things to keep his attention, but I promise you, there are good guys out there that will be good to you without the expense of hurting you unnecessarily.

7. Speak up and voice your opinions

While dating and in relationships, remember that you have a voice. You do not have to do anything that you do not feel comfortable with doing.  If you are done with a date, you can say it is time for you to go home.  If you feel like the guy is taking advantage of you, you can speak up and get out of the situation. Too many times I see girls and women, myself included, who give into uncomfortable situations simply because they were too afraid to speak up. Practice what you will say to assert your feelings and leave if the situation does not change for the better.

8. Stay true to yourself

Ever seen “Runaway Bride” where the girl is always changing the types of eggs she likes depending on what the guy she’s dating likes?  It can be easy to want to conform to the interests and passions of the person you are dating but remember at the end of the day who you truly are. Don’t be afraid to be who you are to avoid being used by the guy to simply be what you think he wants you to be. Be true to you.


9. Don't make yourself too available

It can be tempting to want to invest every free moment you have when you are dating someone, but this can result in feeling exhausted and empty. You don’t have to have a specific reason why you turn down a date or stay home.  Respect yourself enough to take time out of your busy schedule just for you. Run a bath, read your favorite book, take a walk outside, listen to your favorite music, whatever it is that really rejuvenates and refreshes you. Don’t let the stress and pressure of dating keep you from your vital self-care.  

10. Know when to walk away from a toxic situation

Even when you recognize that a dating relationship is toxic and you feel used, it can be hard to let go. It can feel so wonderful to have that companionship and closeness that comes from relationships, but when you can clearly see that there are red flags in your relationship, value yourself to move on. It can be hard, but ultimately, getting out of the harmful relationship will help you to keep going forward to the relationship that will be best for you. Respect yourself enough to let go.

Written by: Autumn Hamilton

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