I Stayed In A Toxic Relationship Because I Was Scared of Being Alone

stayed with someone out of fear of being lonely, too scared to break up with someone, can't break up with boyfriend, need to break up, scared to end relationship don't want to be alone

For a long time I wanted to break up with my ex but I was scared of being alone. I knew he wasn't right for me, he didn't treat me well, he had narcissistic tendencies and I was completely unhappy. But could I break up with him? No, because I was scared of being completely alone and empty without him. I finally overcame the fear of being lonely and ended it for good.

1. I didn't have many friends outside of the relationship

I knew I was going to be lonely because I didn't have a big social circle without my boyfriend. I usually hung out with him and his friends and when we had planned things on the weekends, they were plans that he'd invited me to. I was scared to face the shock of going from being busy every weekend to having nothing to do and nowhere to go. I knew I'd have to rebuild my life without him but I couldn't magic friends out of nowhere and it'd take time to rebuild my life. I didn't think I could cope with that.

2. I felt empty and alone at the idea of a breakup

Even thinking of breaking up with my toxic ex made me feel alone. Although I wasn't happy with him in the whole, parts of our time together made me happy, and I wanted to hold on to that. If I made the decision to break up with him, I was also making the decision to be alone, and I didn't want to do that and put myself through that loneliness voluntarily. 

3. I hated the thought of him moving on like nothing happened

I knew that if I broke up with him it wouldn't mean that much to him and he wouldn't be that heartbroken. He had a good circle of friends, a close family and lots to keep him busy. His life without me wouldn't be affected that much and all I could think of was him out having a good time partying with people and making moves on other girls.

4. I thought I was making the wrong decision

I'd sort of convinced myself that the right decision was to stay with this guy because it was the better alternative to a lonely breakup. I doubted my reasons for wanting to end the relationship and made myself believe the relationship was better than it was. Even though I spent nights crying because I felt so alone while being with him, I tried to persuade myself that the right thing was to stay with him and make the most of the good times.

5. I'd been through a breakup before and knew how horrible it was

I'd experienced a pretty bad breakup before and I promised myself at the time that I'd never let myself go through that again. Although I sort of fell into this relationship with my ex without realizing and before I knew it I couldn't get out. My instincts were to avoid another breakup like that at all costs and so I put up with being unhappy to save myself from more heartbreak.

6. I kept hoping it would get better

I kept telling myself that we were just going through a bit of a rough patch and that things would get better when I had a better job or I started this new class or when it gets closer to summer and we can do more fun things. It never got better, I was lying to myself and knew that it was a dead-end relationship. At the end of the day, I was lonely with him.

7. I realized the loneliness was worth getting out of the unhappiness

I spent a long time doing all of the above things and as months went by, I realized I was becoming more unhappy and my mental health was actually being affected by the relationship. I was sick of the controlling nature, not being included in his life or plans anymore, him never making me a priority other than when he wanted to sleep with me, and sick of not being able to speak up and get out of it. I knew I'd have to go through pain after ending it, but I could almost feel the relief from being free from the situation.

8. I kept myself as busy as possible

I'd put some things in place for after the breakup so I could stay focused and not mope around regretting my decision. I got a new job, I join a new fitness group and I kept my mind as busy as possible after the breakup. I didn't look at his social media, I didn't check my phone to see if he'd text saying that he missed me, because he never did. 

9. I created a new life without him

I started living for myself. I made new friends from doing hobbies and activities that I actually enjoyed and I created a life that I wanted to live. I didn't need to live my life through him anymore and wait for him to make plans with me. I focused on having a strong solid friend group and having multiple things that make me happy, other than a relationship. I became more independent and didn't feel the need to be in a relationship to be happy.

10. The breakup was hard, but I never looked back

There were, of course, times when I felt lonely and missed the comfort of being with him, but I knew I could never go back to what it was like before and I felt free now that I was single. I didn't look back, I moved forward and was able to be myself unapologetically. I wish I had been stronger to end it sooner and have the respect for myself to walk away from someone who was only using me, but I've learned to follow my gut instinct and at the first sign someone isn't right for me and our values don't align, I'm not afraid to walk away.

1 comment

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