I Lost My Identity, This Is How I Found Myself

Some people, like me, have struggled with their identity. We are constantly told by social media and our peers that we are supposed to be this and that. When in reality, we need to find ourselves and just be us. Imagine pretending to be someone else your entire life, unfortunate, right? Who wants to be someone else when you can be your unique incredible self? There is nobody like you, so start embracing it.

See also: 7 Ways I Improved My Life

1. I stopped caring what other people think

At first, it was hard to stop caring about other people's opinion, but then I realized; “why does it matter what they think if it makes me happy?' I decided that if I’m going to be happy and be me then I am going to dress, say, and share who I am regardless if people think poorly on it. I cut off all my hair because I’d always wanted to do it. It took me four years to do it, I was too scared about what other people would think. After I did it, I immediately felt more me, it was ultimately one of the most freeing acts. 

2. The world doesn't owe me anything

“It was supposed to do things for me, it should give me what I want, after all, I didn’t ask to be brought into this world, it owes me.” That’s where I went wrong. The world owes you diddly squat. I needed to figure out what I want to do in order to feel the best for myself. If that means I volunteer at the women’s shelter, walk dogs, pay for the next in lines coffee, wake up early to do yoga, then I do it. The world isn’t going to do anything for me, I have to be the one to initiate my happiness.

3. I stopped comparing myself to others

I noticed that everyone around me seemed to be more pretty, skinny, and just in general better than me. Which is not true, there are many ideas of beauty, and it isn’t dependent on what social media says. I realized that I am unique and beautiful in my own way, and so is every single person. Going on social media less and less definitely helped with this.

4. I started celebrating others' achievements

When Someone succeeded, I used to get incredibly jealous and was actually mad about their success. I would gripe and feel bitter, thinking that they don’t deserve it or whatever jealous thing I could think. Instead, I started cheering people on for their wins. I stopped being jealous and started celebrating people doing awesome things! It motivated me to figure out my own way to achieve.

5. I finally started loving myself

This is one of the toughest on the list. First, I started by picking parts of myself that I love. I started with my socks, I love that I wear goofy socks, they give a quirky piece to my outfits that make me happy. Then I started picking parts of my body, for example; the scar on my knee is beautiful, it kind of looks like a caterpillar, and caterpillars transform into beautiful butterflies, that scar shows growth which is beautiful.

See also: 10 reasons you should consider going to therapy

6. I changed my mindset to think more positively

Waking up used to be a heartache for me. I would think, “great, now I have to go to work. Gosh, I’m so tired.” Now, I wake up and think, “I’m so happy to be alive, I can’t wait to start this day.” This is such a HUGE change. Which stems from being sick of feeling bad for myself and being negative about every single thing. I wanted to work on myself, find myself, and being more positive is a part of that.

7. I starting brushing off unpleasant interactions

When I had some tiny unpleasant interaction with someone, I would blow it up in my head like it was much worse than it was. Then I would spiral and feel as though I am this horrible person that is always stepped on have other demeaning thoughts would creep in. Now I realize that that person may have just had a bad day, or they're unhappy about something and they don’t really mean it. I brush it off and try to think of something nice to say to them regardless of the interaction because maybe I could make their bad day slightly better.

8. I began to appreciate the small things

Waking up to the sun on my face, birds chirping, and the warmth of my blanket. Those are the little things I make a big deal out of now. When I’m walking my dog and the sun is out, or the wind isn’t as harsh, or even if I just really like my pants that day, I celebrate it. I enjoy little things that I used to just ignore, and this has really helped me find myself.

9. I traveled alone and beat my anxiety

This is the scariest one. I was absolutely terrified of traveling alone at first. My anxiety was through the roof, I was sweating profusely in the airport, on the plane, off the plane, the entire time. I was going for a 23-hour flight to Thailand my Junior year of college. It was the fourth time I had been on a flight by myself, but the first time traveling alone and for three months. This changed my life. I did it. I made it across the world and started exploring a completely unknown place on my own. There I realized that I am a capable, confident, and incredible young woman who can do anything I put my mind too.

10. I spent more time around people that actually love me

Making time for people that don’t make time for me, versus making time for people who make it for me. I was spending time on people that didn’t really love me as much as I loved them. I would go the extra mile for them while they wouldn’t go anywhere for me. I essentially stopped going out of my way for them and dedicated my time to the people who genuinely care about me. This has helped me figure out who I am and what kind of person I want to be. This is how I found myself.

Written by Kelsey Moore