9 Ways To Keep The Spark In Your Relationship

For the last four years of my life, I've been in a relationship. Four years, in the long run, doesn’t seem like much time but when you’re spending every moment of every day with the same person, you get tired and you get bored. Here are nine things I’ve learned about my relationship that helps keep the monotony at bay and ways to keep it alive and interesting.

See also: Signs you're staying in a dead-end relationship out of fear being alone

1. You don't have to spend every second with each other

When I first met my partner all I wanted to do was spend every waking moment with him. I loved drinking a cup of coffee with him in the morning after long nights together or going to his house after work. But as much as I wanted to, we didn’t spend every waking moment together. We could go a day or two without talking or a week without seeing each other. This did the relationship well. Living together doesn't mean we can't enjoy time apart. I make sure to hang out with my friends for a day or take weekend trips with my girlfriends. Time spent alone or with your friends can help you not lose sight of yourself and keep the relationship interesting.

2. Ditch the phones and bond with each other

In my past relationships phones were the pitfall. I never felt like I could trust any of my previous partners. Coming into my current relationship, I knew I needed to change my mindset. I couldn’t let a phone decide if my relationship was going to succeed or not. Sometimes you find yourself staring into your phone screen for hours. That time could be spent making a meal together or playing a game and bonding with each other.

3. Communication is key to a loving relationship

Everyone communicates differently, learning what types of communication work best for you and your partner can make all the difference. I'm definitely an introvert, and any kind of confrontation scares me slightly. When a problem arises and we can handle it like adults without the crazy yelling and misunderstanding, it keeps respect between us. Being able to communicate clearly is refreshing because it can be so damn hard. Trust each other and us the five love languages; words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time and physical touch.

4. Plan secret things and keep the relationship full of surprises

I’ve always kept some things hidden from my partner, but the fun kind, such as surprise birthday parties or surprise dinner dates. He never knows what I am planning and vice versa, we are always intrigued by each other. After years of being together, you learn what the other person does and doesn’t like to do. After countless times of asking, do you want to do this or do you want to do that, and when the answer is always a 'no' it can get tiresome. As much as I don’t want to do something, saying the occasional yes has made my boyfriend light up. Just seeing the surprise and excitement on his face makes it worth it.

5. Listen to each other and be their 'go to' for help

We are best friends. How could we not be after the time we’ve spent together? There are always good days and bad but we go through everything with each other. When one of us needs help the other is always the first person we call. Whether it’s to help with the dishes or to complain about the rough day at work, the other one is there to listen.

See also: 10 things I learned from dating an introvert

6. Get away from routine and explore somewhere new

Getting away from everyday life can bring back a forgotten excitement in a relationship. A new setting opens opportunities for new experiences and chances to learn more about each other. When you see the same people, places, and things every single day, it can begin to let dullness creep in. I’ve found that even if it is only an hour away from home, changing the scenery can help uncover a spirit in the relationship you didn’t even know was there. Watching the way my partner’s face lights up when he sees or experiences something different or unfamiliar allows me to truly know him. I don’t mean in the way that words or touch can allow you to learn about someone, it feels much deeper than that. I encourage everyone to go with their partner to territory unexplored by you because there is nothing quite like seeing that child-like curiosity in their eyes.

7. Get crafty and have fun

Sometimes we fall into the routine of daily lives and regular date nights of going to the movies. As boring as that can be, it still works for us. After years we still enjoy sitting together in the theaters reclining chairs, eating more popcorn than one probably should. But at times something new is refreshing and makes me remember the things I love about him. Grabbing an overly large glass of wine instead of popcorn and grabbing paint instead of a movie ticket, leads us into a night of deep conversations and spouts of uncontrollable laughter. After the night of painting away, we have something to remember the moments we spent together.

8. Learn about each other slowly and don't rush the little things

When you first meet you want to know everything, The inside and out of that person. You’re— for lack of a better word— infatuated, obsessed. We kept our distance from each other. In fact for the whole first year we really only knew the basics; hobbies, jobs, family, friends. Apart from the activities, we’d do together we had completely separate lives. Over the course of the past four years, we’ve learned things gradually. Moving in together taught us a lot about each other of course. The little quirks of everyday life like how we like our coffee became routine. But, there are still things to learn about each other for many years to come. I don’t think you can ever learn it all.

9. Grow with each other through the relationship and heal your past

The bond between my partner and I was built on the base of learning. When our relationship started we were both kind of damaged from the previous one. We were weary but open to doing things differently. We trusted each other and grew to become a team. This is how I keep the spark in my relationship after all these years.

Written by: Sarah Wynder