17.6.18

How To End It After A Few Dates

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You've been on a few dates with someone, you've enjoyed getting to know them but you know that there's a spark missing and you can't see yourself dating this person in the long term. 

Stopping seeing someone after a couple of dates is a tricky situation because you don't want to hurt the person but you know that it's in your best interest to finish the relationship now and move on.

If you have a gut feeling that the person you're dating isn't 'the one' then it's only fair to both of you if you call it quits and tell them that it's better for you not to see each other. You might find yourself wanting to make yourself go on a few more dates just to see if it gets better or if you develop a connection, but after three or four dates you should have a pretty good idea of how well you get on together and if you can see this person being in your life for a long time.

It's normal to feel guilty about wanting to end it after a few dates, but don't beat yourself up or feel too bad about ending it, because if you're not the right people for each other then ending it is the right thing to do. It's much better to end it now in the early stages before one of you develops feelings, because you or the person you're dating will end up getting very hurt if you don't.

Read Next: 

3 Ways To End It After A Few Dates

1. Send Them A Meaningful Text

If you only went on a few dates, then sending a thoughtful text to explain your feelings will be enough to let the person know that you don't want to continue dating them. Let them know that you really enjoyed spending time with them but you feel like you're just friends and can't see it progressing into a relationship. Be honest with the person and be open about your reasons for wanting to end it. You don't have to force yourself into a relationship with anyone an if it's not working out then don't worry! Just be polite and respectful and end it on good terms. If you had different values or there was no spark, just let them know that. Don't give them false hope by saying things like, 'maybe we'll see each other again.' It's better to be brutally honest than to lead them on to thinking that they may have a chance with you again.

2. Have A Face To Face Conversation 

If you've been dating for more than a few weeks then a face to face conversation or 'breakup' may be more suitable. If you think the person you're dating has developed feelings for you and there's a connection there, then it's only fair if you explain to them in person that it's not working out. Don't take the easy way out by sending a text if you've been seeing each other for quite a while. Although it's hard for both people, arrange to meet the other person and have a chat to explain exactly how you're feeling and your reasons for not wanting to see them anymore. Help them to understand why you want to end it and give them the respect of a proper explanation, they have given a lot of their time to you after all.

3. Stay Friends If You Think It Will Help

Usually people who break up and agree to stay friends don't work out, but if after a few dates you realise that you're only just friends, then maybe it's good to stay friends! Although it hasn't worked out for you both as a couple, maybe you've found a great friend in each other and there's no reason why you can't continue the relationship on a friendship level. Just make sure there's no feelings more than friendship on both sides, to avoid getting hurt.

However it ends, let them down easily and be thankful for the chance to meet someone new and gain experience in the dating world. Everyone we meet has an impact on our lives and at least you've been able to discover someone new who will lead you to discovering who is really meant for you. Whatever you do, don't ghost someone and don't cut them out of your life with no explanation. Everyone deserves to be loved and respected and remember to show kindness always.


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23.5.18

An Open Letter To My Ex

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To the guy who broke my heart,

I fell for you. I fell really hard for you. You were the first person I let into my life in four years, because I'd been broken before and wasn't ready to be broken again. Little did I know that you'd hurt me more than anything I'd ever felt. Little did I know that every second I spent with you meant nothing.

It took six months for you to show your true colours. Six months in which I let my feelings grow, in which I looked forward to whatever time I could spend with you. Six months in which I grew to love a version of you which wasn't real. You showed me a version of yourself that I adored and admired. It's a shame that version was a lie.

You told me you loved me. You told me I was your best friend. Why did you decide days later that you'd never bother to see me again?

You promised me an amazing future together. When I found the long distance between us tough, you told me to just hold on for a few more months until you could move closer. I kept holding on, but you let go.

You kept me a secret from your friends and family so as to not hurt your ex, yet not even a month after you've left I see that you're with someone else. Clearly my emotions don't matter to you. I see you posting on social media days after you've broken my heart, that you're having a great time with your friends. How do you expect me to mend.

Worst of all, you did it over social media. Those six months where I grew a connection with you were ended in a few short drunken words over text. That's the hardest part. Not even a phone call, not even a goodbye. Was it too much to ask to have a face to face conversation? To even give me a reason or explanation? Why tell someone you love them then leave them?

When I spent those seven straight days with you I never imagined that they'd be the last. If I'd have known that was the last time I'd wake up next to you. If I'd have known that was the last time I'd see the person I thought I loved, the person I thought I knew. If I'd have known you were about to show your true colours. If I'd have known you were about to break me.

I let you into my life and I wish I hadn't. You hurt me in ways I didn't know I could. The tears have finished but I'm still filled with anger. I can't wait for the day that you're a distant memory and I don't even remember what you sound like. I regret every minute I spent with you. You didn't deserve to have me. You didn't deserve me.

I would expect this off a 15 year old boy. Not a 23 year old man. But you're not a man, and it took me too long to understand that. Your immaturity in dealing with this has shown that you have so much growing and learning to do, and I hope that some day you'll learn how to properly treat a woman. 

When I heal I'll be stronger. I've learnt things that I'll take into future relationships. You've taught me valuable lessons and by breaking my heart, you've made me stronger than before, so for that, I thank you.

I hope no one hurts you in the ways you've hurt me. I hope no one makes you believe that they love you and then ends things out of the blue over social media. I hope you don't learnt to trust someone and then discover they're a completely different person. I hope no one breaks your heart like you've broken mine.

You made me believe in love again. You made me learn to trust again. You made me remember what it's like to be happy. And then you made me unable to do all of those things again.

You made me love a guy who never existed.

20.5.18

Has Social Media Taken Over Real Life Communication?

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I'm currently sat in a cafe, writing an article on ways to benefit your mental health, when I look around and notice that everyone sitting around me is either facing away from me or deeply distracted by their phones. I watched three people come into the cafe and, out of about 10 seats, chose the ones facing away from the centre of the cafe, and away from me.

I see a man swiping vigorously on his phone, probably on tinder. I see a girl who looks quite bored, scrolling through her phone and I wonder if she's scrolling aimlessly on Instagram at lives that look so much better than hers, because I'm guilty of the exact same thing sometimes. I see another girl who looks like she's writing an article or blogging on her laptop, but again chose to face away towards the wall.

I'm sat at a large round table with eight seats, facing the centre of the cafe, yet all of the other seats are empty. I began to wonder why no one else wanted the company of working together, or being near another person who they could possibly start up a conversation with.

I understand that sometimes people just want their personal space, but I realised that anytime I'm in a cafe, the exact same thing happens. Everyone sits as far away from each other in their own corners.

Read: Why I'm Sick Of Social Media
Read: The six ways to manifest anything into your life

Has social media taken over communication?

The only people speaking to each other in this cafe are groups of teenage girls, just out of school and having a good time. Is social media to blame for less communication and less human interaction?

I'd love nothing more than to take a break from working and talk to someone else in this cafe, but I don't want to disturb the guy scrolling through Facebook, or the girl who's deeply concentrated on her phone. Has it always been like this? When did we all become so concerned with social media and the internet that we stopped communicating with each other?

Of course, social media is a great tool for business or even keeping up with friends, but I feel like social media has replaced a huge part of human interaction and I'm also guilty of avoiding talking to strangers by scrolling through pointless things on social media on my phone.

Has Social Media Gone Too Far?

A relationship I recently came out of was predominantly over social media. We eventually only communicated over snapchat and rarely had actual conversations. I actually think social media was one of the main reasons that relationship failed. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who the only way we communicate is by sending 10 second long pictures with a few words attached.

Social media doesn't often allow for meaningful conversations or to make proper relationships. Social media is a good tool for keeping in touch with friends or people we wouldn't otherwise be able to speak to because of distance, but I feel like social media is taking over our lives and our relationships with people.

Any relationship I have in the future I'm going to make sure I limit the use of social media and only have actual phone conversations if I can't speak to them in person. Social media can make us so concerned with everyone else's lives that we forget to focus on our own.

I wish we could make more connections in real life, rather than connections over social media.
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18.5.18

Why Travel Is Good For Your Mental Health | 7 Reasons To Travel

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Everyday we get so caught up in our jobs, in the pressure to be the best, to succeed in life and get ahead of the crowd, that we forget to look after our own mental health. Life is full of stress from relationships, friendships, family, studies, work, money and so much more. Traveling is a huge stress relief and this is why travel is good for your mental health.

Our mental health falls behind so easily and we forget to put ourselves first quite often. Your Mental health is just as important as your physical health, yet many of us tend to forget to look after our mental health. If you've been working extremely hard with no holidays or breaks, then it's time you took some time off for yourself to recharge and improve your mental health.

I get stressed out about not being high enough on the career ladder by a certain age, even though I'm not exactly sure what I want to do with my life. I worry about not succeeding enough in life, even though I'm not sure what direction I'm heading in.

I've realised recently that I need to take a break from everything and see the world. I need to explore different cities and cultures. I need to find myself. Travelling can open so many doors and you need to escape the stress and pressure of work and life and travel to clear your mind and get a better picture of what you're doing with your life.

7 Reasons Why Travel Is Good For Your Mental Health:

1. Travelling Helps You Find Yourself

I'm not sure what I want to do with my life, and if you're reading this then you're probably not entirely sure what to do with your life either. I have a few different interests, but I can't pinpoint one thing that I'm 100% sure I want to do for the rest of my life. Now that I'm young and don't have many important responsibilities, I'm planning to travel for at least a couple of months, just to get away from everything and clear my mind. Travelling helps you to discover the things you love and the things you don't love. Travelling allows you to try new things and explore new hobbies that you might not have know existed before. Travelling gives you the opportunity to find yourself and discover your true passion in life.

2. Travel Lets You Escape The Stress Of Life

Travelling is a literal 'escape' from the stresses of everyday life. Travelling lets you pack a bag and leave your problems behind for a while and destress. You can pick up all the interesting things you once wanted to do, but forgot about due to work and everyday life. Travelling lets you take a break from life and relax your mind and body and recharge to improve your mental health. You'll feel a lot happier by exploring, traveling and allowing yourself to be free. Travel is a great stress relief.

3. Travelling Gives You Independence

You might feel like you rely on certain people or things in your everyday life but travelling helps you to mature and grow as a person and find your own independence. You'll face challenges that you'll overcome on your own and you'll be able to navigate through new countries and locations. It will give you a great sense of freedom and you won't feel like you have to rely on people or things anymore. This will lead to you being strong emotionally and having more resilient mental health.

4. It Will Open Up Your Mind To The Bigger Picture

When our mental health takes a toll, it can feel like all that exists is this little life you're in that is consumed by working and just getting by. There's a whole big world out there waiting to be discovered and just by getting out of your own life and city, you'll realise there are so many possibilities out there and you can literally be or do anything you want.

5. It Will Get You Out Of Your Comfort Zone

If you suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety or depression, you'll understand how easy it is to just stay in your own little comfort zone. Whether it's your house or your bedroom, sometimes you just want to stick to what you know and not venture out of your comfort zone. Staying in your comfort zone is one of the worst things you can do for your mental health and you will overcome so many mental struggles by putting yourself out there and pushing yourself to your limits. Travelling will open so many doors for you and it is one of the best ways to permanently get you out of your comfort zone.

6. You'll Meet Amazing New People

If you go traveling and stay in a hostel, you're guaranteed to meet new people from loads of different countries and possibly makes tonnes of great new friends. You'll make new connections who you can visit if you ever travel to their home country and everyone you meet will be eager to meet new people too. If your mental health has stopped you from making friends in the past, then travelling will help you to develop great interpersonal skills and communication skills and it will make you more confident as a person.

7. Travelling Makes You Happier

Every time I come back from a trip, I feel a million times happier than when I left. I feel like I'm not stuck in my surroundings anymore and I can jump on a plane and discover somewhere new anytime I like. My happiness and mental health is boosted after travelling and I feel a great sense of joy and positivity in life. The not knowing what you're going to discover, the freedom of going anywhere you want. Travelling makes me so much happier as a person and really opens my mind to so many opportunities. If you're affected my seasonal affective disorder (SAD), then travelling in the winter can really lift your mood and improve your mental health and make you happier.

Travelling has so many positive affects on your body and health and whether you want to travel alone, with a friend or family or with your partner, you should start planning your trip now and get excited about enhancing your life and your mental health through travel.
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13.5.18

28 Things You Will Relate To After A Break Up

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You'll never understand true pain until you go through your first heartbreak. Breakups are hard for everyone and although it sucks, you will go through a lot of emotions after a breakup, whether it's your first, fifth or one hundredth. (I really hope you don't go through one hundred break ups, that would call for A LOT of ice-cream.)

When a relationship ends, it's hard for everyone involved but it's especially painful and heartbreaking if you loved the person and they broke up with you.

There's no denying the fact that break ups are tough. Even if you think you're the strongest person in the world, going through a breakup is one of the hardest things you'll deal with in life and there are certain things you will relate to after a break up.

Although I wish no one should have to go through the pain of a break up, it is a pretty common occurrence in life and you will probably find yourself being broken up with or breaking up with someone at some point in your life. (Unless you're one of those lucky people who found 'the one' with the first try - damn you.)

Even if the relationship was unhealthy, toxic or you knew it had to end, it's still extremely difficult to go through a traumatic break up and the end of any relationship is hard to deal with.

We all have similar thoughts after a break up. It will get easier, even if it feels like you're in the depths of despair right now. Take some comfort in knowing that there a lot of other people in the exact same position as you right this moment. 

If you're dealing with a bad break up currently, then here are 28 things you will relate to about breakups and things you will do after a break up.

28 Things You Will Relate To After A Break Up

1. You feel like you can't make it more than half an hour without crying your eyes out.

2. You delete every picture on your phone of your ex to erase every memory of them.

3. You want to delete them off social media, but you don't want to cut all ties with them because it means you can't stalk them.

4. You then proceed to stalk their social media and cry some more.

5. You see your ex tagged in a photo having a good time and you hate them for being happy after hurting you so much.

6. You regret ever going on that first date with them.

7. You wonder if they still think about you at all.

8. You start looking up flights to the furthest country away from you because you wan't to start a new life in Antarctica.

9. You realise that being single means you can walk around your house looking like a slob without anyone caring, so there is a silver lining to this break up.

10. You realise that you don't have to shave your legs and make an effort with your makeup and hair all the time now - another win!

11. You hate the thought of them moving on and being with someone else.

12. You feel like they were the only person who could ever possibly like you and no one else will want to be with you in life.

13. Part of you still holds on to the hope that the relationship isn't definitely over. (It is, by the way. It's 100% over.)

14. You realise that you have so much spare time on your hands now and don't have a clue what to do with it.

15. You cry some more about not being able to hang out with your ex anymore. 

16. You get angry about how they could do this to you and hurt you so much.

17. You vow to never let anyone hurt you this much ever again.

18. You're tempted to join Tinder and Bumble straight after the breakup, just to remind yourself that there are plenty of other eligible people out there.

19. You hate the fact that you got so emotionally involved and attached to that person who would then go on to break your heart.

20. You feel like writing them a lengthy letter to tell them what a jerk they are.

21. You feel extremely lonely and lost now that you're single.

22. Then you realise that there are so many great opportunities for you out there and you can do whatever you want now. 

23. You understand that they weren't the one for you but it still hurts so much.

24. You didn't realise you could hurt this much about a guy or girl.

25. You delete them off all of your social media because you realise that you don't need a constant reminder about what they're doing in their life.

26. You really want to just message your ex to ask them why they've done this and get an explanation.

27. You want to go out and drink and party all the time to take your mind off of it, but then realise that that won't actually ease the pain.

28. You finally get your shit together and start working on yourself to rebuild your life and realise that  you definitely don't need them anymore.
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10.5.18

How To Be Happier: 14 Ways To Be Happy Now

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If you're asking yourself 'How can I be happier?' these are things you can do right now to have a happier mindset. Whether you want to be happier in life, in general, at work or happier with your family, there are things you should be doing everyday in your life that will add to your happiness.

We often find ourselves in states of unhappiness when we've been worrying about something, gotten into a bad routine, we've made bad choices or we're stressed out about life. There are little changes you can make to be happier everyday and have a lot more joy in your life.

Sometimes we wish we could wake up everyday and be happy, but that doesn't always happen. That doesn't mean to say you can't drastically turn your life around so you fill everyday with things that make you happy.

It might seem like there's some huge secret on how to become happy, but the secret to being happy lies with you and the decisions you make.

Related: 

If you're feeling down, these are 14 things you can do right now to be happier:

1. Focus On You

We spend so much time trying to make other people happy and please others through our work, friends and family and we often forget to focus on ourselves. Take some time to put yourself first and do some things that actually make you happy and take a break from the pressure of pleasing others and having to be the best at everything. You won't please everyone in life so don't stress about trying to be perfect. Focus on yourself and pursue your goals and dreams.

2. Reevaluate Your Life

Are you unhappy with your job? Does your current living situation make you unhappy? Is your relationship or friends bringing your down? Take a good look at everything in your life and imagine what you would change if you could. Then do it. Don't settle for anything that makes you unhappy, even if it means distancing yourself from people or places.

3. Travel

I'm sure you've heard of people who go travelling to find themselves and discover their real purpose in life. This concept actually works and travelling has huge benefits for your health and happiness. There's a whole world out there so if you're feeling stuck and unhappy in life, you should go and discover it.

4. Let Go Of What's Bringing You Down

If a situation is out of your control, there's no point in stressing out about it, just let it go. Stop focusing on the negatives in your life and start thinking about everything that makes you happy and what you're thankful for. If someone has got something against you, don't let them get to you. If a situation is persistently affecting your happiness, let it go and get out of that situation as soon as possible. Let go of the negativity and start letting in the positive vibes.

5. Plan Your Future

If you feel stuck in a certain situation right now, remember that it won't last forever. Whatever you're going through will pass and in a matter of months or years, your life will be completely different and you'll probably make a lot of new friends and have new people come into your life. Think of your ideal life and start planning it. Make little goals to get closer to the life where you wake up every day and feel happy. Anytime you feel like your unhappiness will never go away, remember that this too shall pass.

6. Clear Your Thoughts

We tend to focus on things that are worrying us more than anything, and by doing so we make ourselves extremely unhappy. We get stressed about even the smallest things and can't stop thinking about anything that goes bad or anything wrong that's happened. Take some time to clear your head and listen to some calming music or a relaxation app that can help you focus on positive thoughts and letting go of the negatives.

7. Don't Look At Social Media

We're all guilty of it. We scroll aimlessly through Instagram, check Facebook and Twitter and like pictures of lifestyles that we don't have and follow people who we think have much better lives than us. This has a hugely negative effect on your mental health because it makes you think that so many other people have amazing lives and you don't, which is completely false. People who post about their lives on social media often do so through a filter and make a showreel of their best moments. In reality, they have very normal lives and deal with all the same problems we do. So delete all the apps that you don't need and limit your time on social media to one or two days per week.

8. Make Better Choices

If you feel an emptiness inside and you try to fill it with bad choices such as junk food, alcohol, spending money etc. you should take time to reflect on how these things actually make you feel and if they're really making a positive impact on your life. Try to fill the void with activities or things that will benefit your health, such as, walking, dancing, exercising, going for lunch with a friend or taking up a new hobby.

9. Distance Yourself From People Who Make You Unhappy

We've all had a friend in our lives who we don't really class as a friend because they always cancel plans, are unreliable and only contact you when they need something. Yet we put up with these people even though the only way they impact your life is by making you unhappy. Part of making the decision to be happy is choosing who you surround yourself with in life. If you have people in your life who aren't genuinely there for you and make you unhappy, do not feel guilty about ending that friendship or relationship and distancing yourself from them. It will better your life in the long run.

10. Have A Routine

It might seem difficult to get into a routine if you often stay up late watching TV on your laptop, or you keep working late into the early hours of the morning. However, a steady routine will greatly benefit your happiness and make you more motivated and energetic in your day to day activities. If you let yourself drift from one day to the next, not knowing exactly what you're doing each day, you're not going to have a happy and positive mindset.

11. Have A Clear Out

A great way to clear your mind is to clear your surroundings.  If you have a lot of things lying around your house, adding to mess and untidiness, this can impact your mind and happiness by making you feel unorganised. Go through your wardrobes and drawers and get rid of anything you don't really need. Organising your space will help to organise your life.

12. Exercise 

I know you don't want to hear it, but exercise has a huge benefit for your mental health and happiness. Even if you can't remember the last time you properly exercised, plan to get out of the house this week and go for a light jog and a walk. You'll look and feel better and the more enjoyable the exercise is, the more likely you are to stick at it. Find a type of exercise that is fun for you, it doesn't have to be the gym. You could try pilates, hot yoga, rebounding, boxing, swimming, dancing and so much more. Have a fun exercise routine and you'll feel happier instantly.

13. Talk About Your Feelings

A lot of people tend to keep their feelings bottled up and keep everything to themselves in an attempt to be strong. This is doing the opposite effect of making you happy and keeping everything to yourself is one of the worst things you can do. Talking about how you're feeling can make you feel a million times better and getting everything off your chest will help to make you feel happy instantly. You can talk to a friend, a family member, a co-worker, a counsellor, a therapist or even an online therapist on a site like BetterHelp, which you can do from the comfort of your own home.

14. Focus On A Project

Instead of letting your mind wander to unhappy thoughts and getting stressed out about life, channel your energy into a project that will better your life and make you happy. You could start working on a business idea, start a blog, journal, scrapbook or anything that will fill your time and keep you busy with something that is fun to work on.

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